Week 3 done! I'm a quarter of the way through, yahoo! I feel very accomplished, stronger, and I'm starting to see some results. Just knowing I've gone everyday and worked hard is already an amazing feeling, but I definitely earned the right to feel good about myself. I had a lot of ups and downs this week (and not just push ups, and squat downs ha ha), and I still made it through, with a lot of help from my friends! Clothes fit better, and that means more to me than I knew. I realized this week that there are certain clothes that I've been pushing toward the back of the drawer, hiding from, ones that haven't fit since before I was pregnant. There are shirts I'm scared of because I know they don't quite cover my belly. I remembered how hard I've been working and decided to try one on. Suddenly that same shirt that couldn't cover my belly was halfway down my zipper! This week I had a 'yahoo' moment each time I fit differently in one of those clothing items. I am no longer afraid of my wardrobe, and before I started this journey I had no idea what a mental drain it was on me each time I saw one of those clothing items and had that stinging 'ooo, won't fit' secret self loathing. Well, some of the clothes are fitting anyway (I am still on week 4, not at goal weight yet). I was walking around with my everyday jeans feeling baggy, and that is the kind of all day high you just can't get from a donut. Did the word donut cross my lips? Well at least it was the word, and not the donut! OK, you caught me I ate the donut! This week was not a perfect diet week, but even then I still did better than my regular daily diet before I started really watching what I was eating. I ate a couple of crappy food items, but I stayed within calorie limits, and was on point the vast majority of the week, and I know controlled indulgence is part of making it stick long term (the habits, not the donut) so I didn't sweat it. The same could not be said of my workouts.
This week's workouts were definitely tough! I'd get to the top of the stairs, lungs screaming, legs melting, and I look down at Stacey and kept hearing Bob Harper's voice in my head saying 'do you feel uncomfortable? I need you to get UNCOMFORTABLE!!!' I trained in the gym next to athletes, and the regulars who are in great shape, and I noticed even they are out of breath; even hard bodies still sweat!! They sweat because they still push hard. That's when I had an 'a-ha moment' and realized its not about workouts getting easier. Exercising, training, and conditioning requires you to work to fatigue! So if you are in better shape, you are stronger so you lift more, you do more reps, or more advanced exercises to get 'the burn' but you still burn!!! So the excuse that 'I'm too out of shape, and its too hard for me' just doesn't fly anymore. Its hard for everyone. Its supposed to be hard. If its not hard, you should get a trainer, or get a new trainer! So it was a hard week, in more ways than one.
I was sick Monday through Wednesday, and it hurt. It hurt to get up, it hurt to push and breathe hard, but I did what I could and it was almost all of the routine. I did skip that one stadium out of breath, but I'm OK with that. The baby was also sick this week, and needed more of me and I just felt tapped out, and that caused me some stress. So getting there was a big battle this week, and I know all too well the reasons people fail to be consistent, life is messy and tough at times! But there was just no choice in my mind, there was never a question, I am going to every workout! So, I just went, and as I got out the door late on Tuesday, and was still a couple miles away at 5:58, I thought, 'Oh no, I only have 2 minutes to get there!' Then I thought about how long 2 minutes really is, as in 2 minutes at the gym! Two minutes of lunges, two minutes of bicycle crunches, two trainer minutes! Two minutes of stadiums are probably the longest minutes I've ever lived. Shoot how about 30 seconds of plank time! No, not 'Planck time' (as in the shortest measurable increment of time, a ha ha for you physics nerds) quite the opposite actually. Its the longest second of my ever lovin' life actually! And then it dawned on me. How amazing a second can be, or a minute. I thought about how many seconds and minutes of my life I'd wasted on stupid things, like worrying about what time I would arrive when I was already in the car on the way, and the stress would do nothing to make me arrive sooner. I contemplated how meaningful a second of my life really is. As I thought about trainer time I really started to appreciate the beauty of really tiny increments of time. I embraced what it means to feel the burn, and really be present in the moment. I understood how it is to be connected to your body in a very attention demanding way, that simply won't allow for other thoughts to creep in. Its definitely meditative, and I can see why people make a habit of this kinda thing. The workout really is your 'me time' a time 'to focus on me' which is a phrase that now how a whole new meaning. Working out has helped me reclaim the minutes in my day. Not to just seize the day, but seize the minute and the second even! Its really crept into my head, and changed the way I reckon time. The benefits just keep adding up!
Another challenge this week was to survive Super Bowl Sunday and the calorie binge opportunities galore! I was preparing to visit with family at my Dad's house in my hometown, and if there is one thing we do well as a family its eat! So after working out 5 days, I decided to mitigate the inevitable (managed) diet destruction by going to the track and getting some extra cardio. I picked up my 17 year old nephew John on the way. He's got a few pounds to lose, and just needs someone to kick his butt and get out there with him. I was happy to oblige. He was a willing (if lazy) teenager, and in the end we did 2 miles around the track. That was particularly gratifying for me because we were at my high school's track. I was John 15 years ago, overweight and under motivated to do anything about it. To be on the same track I used to dread running 'the mile' on in PE, because I knew I'd be the fat kid, huffing and puffing (or more likely just walking and dogging it) and coming in last was awesome. I ran 2 miles around that track voluntarily! And it was a bonus Saturday workout too! OK, granted I jogged and walked more than ran really, but the feeling was so unbelievable. Stacey told me 'we hit walls, then we break 'em down!' and that moment just felt like breaking through a wall; a wall of my own inertia! After we worked out I took John and my sister on a grocery store tour. I don't claim to be an expert (yet) but I do know that whole wheat tortillas, 2% cheese and greek yogurt are better food choices than what they were buying! And they were willing to eat those things, so it felt good to make a positive influence in their lives. As for me, I did indulge on Super Bowl Sunday, but in a controlled managed way rather than a 'go hog wild' kind of way. I did enjoy several beers, but I focused on the veggie platter, and kept the chips to a minimum. I skipped the 'super bowl sundae' I made for everyone else. Part of this process is also redefining what is an indulgence. Four beers is an indulgence. Four beers, plus 4 cups of chips, 4 slices of deep dish pizza, and 4 scoops of ice cream is just insanity, but I'm sure I ate that and more at last year's Super Bowl! So while I did indulge, I took it as a learning experience and felt that I learned how to indulge responsibly!
This process has been not only a lifestyle and physical change but its deeply emotional. Anyone's who's ever watched 'The Biggest Loser' is familiar with that idea, but until it happened to me I had no idea that this would be such an important life change. I have been dedicated, and I made it to every single workout, and even one that it might have been ok to call in sick to and on that day Stacey talked to us about knowing our limits. So I did some reflecting on 'when is it an excuse, and when is it an limit?' and I think that is a question we all have to ask ourselves on a continuing basis. When you get up and feel sore, you have to know thyself, and know when its better to skip a day and prevent injury, which would take you out of the game longer, and also to know when you are using a little soreness as an excuse to not do the work. Its inspiring knowing that the trainers work through sickness, injuries, lack of sleep, for 15 hour days, and the list goes on. Some even pop ribs out and just keep going! So yeah, I guess one little chest cold shouldn't get in my way. Nor did it get in my way, BOOYA! Feels good sayin' that. And I even got to share some of my new knowledge with my family. Like Nicole said 'it doesn't end here (at the gym)!' This program is having a ripple effect on those around me, and I couldn't be happier!
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